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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 9th, 2023

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  • Love takes many forms. Caring for someone without the expectation of a benefit you want is a form of love. If my wife came down with MS and we could no longer have sex, I would still love her, respect her and admire the mother and life partner that she is. I would also be upset that I couldn’t have sex any more.

    I personally would try to figure out the following, with or without professional help:

    • Why is she depressed? She is going through a lot. She is probably scared you are going to abandon her when she needs someone the most. She may also hate the situation that you are in because of her illness. She is also probably angry at the world that she has to suffer this. She is also probably worried for her child and feels guilty that she can’t give her more. There are so many feelings she has to process, it may be easier to just shut down.
    • If you remove the expectations of sex with her, would you be willing to stay with her as a caring and respectful partner and mother to your child?
    • You might explore non-monogamy. That’s going to be a complicated conversation, but maybe something your wife is willing to explore. Just ensure it takes into consideration all the issues in the first point.

    A good mother and partner is so hard to find. Love can take many forms. Don’t feel limited in your choices if you can make other options work out.





  • machinin@lemmy.worldtoSelfhosted@lemmy.worldAdvice for layout
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    4 months ago

    When I was in your shoes about 8 months ago, I opted for Proxmox and don’t regret it. Since then, I’ve been able to try different NAS OSs, experiment with different hosted services, etc. it gives you a lot of freedom to set up a VM, try a bunch of stuff, and then delete it and implement a fresh solution when you’re satisfied with something.

    If you do that, you might consider having the operating system and VMs on one disk. If you decide on NAS software, many pass through the storage drives to the NAS directly.

    I’m probably going to end up with the following:

    • Base Proxmox
    • NAS VM - OMV with NFS shares available to other services, SMB for the network
    • VM for -arr services
    • Plex on an LXC - a script helped me set the up
    • (Maybe) VM for home assistant
    • VM for other home services I need, like Immich
    • Maybe a VM for hosting things publicly
    • Testing VM

    I hope this is helpful!



  • For me, pros are:

    • Fun to learn something new
    • Easy to test different systems. For example, I can play with different router or NAS software without having a separate computer around.
    • I’ve been able to create different “computers” that serve different needs and require different levels of security.
    • Currently, a cluster is probably overkill, it was a fun experiment.

    Cons

    • Updating all the different systems can be a pain. I could probably automate it, but I haven’t made the time to learn it yet.
    • As a beginner, I’m throwing a bunch of parts together and hoping it will work. I should probably be more strategic in my implementation, but I don’t know what to prioritize. I’m sure I’ll have to start over in the future.
    • With the previous point, the storage setup doesn’t seem very intuitive. I probably need to set up that better.
    • I haven’t quite figured out backups yet. My VM backups all seem too big. I need to figure that out and automate it.

    Hope this is helpful.





  • Marcus Aurelius was helpful to me - don’t be sad about the things you’ve lost, be grateful about what you’ve gained. He was specifically talking about the loss of a child. Some people are angry at God because he took away their child to soon. We should be grateful for even the short amount of time we had with that child. I have been able to apply it to so many other situations as well. Just living in constant gratitude can make your life so much better.