Hey Walgreens, my wife and I are confused… how do we do that romantic move where we weave our hands together to sip champagne with these?

Mountain Dew presents: Freedom Country - Brought to you by United Healthcare.

I mean okay to choice, but why do you care on this? Who gives a shit? As long as they aren’t adding national donut day and frivolous shit shit like that.

You want to be on a bigger instance, like Lemmy.World. Always room to grow, but closer to what you’re wanting these days

You did it! No delivery fee! You’re so lucky!

Oh hey… Unrelated, but let me get $20 in “fees” please.

Really though, congrats on that delivery discount though, you’re really coming out in top, putting me through the ringer, bud!

If you feel any kind of meaningful trustworthiness from a Facebook profile, you’ve probably got some other things to worry about…

What I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

I am able to recite toy commercials and obscure TV theme songs from 90s kids shows with surprising accuracy, many decades past consuming them - Crossfire, Creepy Crawlers, James Bond Jr. Denver the Last Dinosaur… I’m your guy. I don’t watch these things deliberately to learn them and haven’t seen them since organically seeing during childhood, they just start playing in my head on the smallest triggers, music and lyrics, verbatim.

This is what the inside of my head is like, all the time

God… remember how fucking simple craigslist was when it hit it’s peak? The fact that Grandpa could take a shaky flip phone picture and post a thing you needed right around the corner, no fat or other frivolous horseshit…

Craigslist is still simple last I checked, but the user base left and now dominated by spam from retail and drop shippers masquerading as local people selling goods from their garage.

Nothing gold can stay

They are feeding all communications from devices into AI right now, both a massive security breach and they are calculating and creating an enemies list. Watch.

“Our’research has determined that we can fill up to 90% of the visual field with advertisements before inducing seizures!”

Corporations all genuinely want to be that guy so fucking bad, just because they think that if they do become him, they might actually starry to finally feel something… anything. Or they think if they become that guy their father might say "I love you " for the first time or some other sad “this is why I’m a serial killer” shit.

Pauly Shore has made more movies that released in theaters than there were years of the confederacy dipshit parade

He really was a loser.

Shorten to “Frendi”, probably would be enough to get app discussed and shared more.

Careful who you trust, proton is trump scum

Is it a tiny guitar?

Absolutely no offense intended… But you sound like an asshole

Cybertruck breakdown?

Reductive take that doesn’t really summarize

They do, but then a trusted “insider” youtuber or podcaster who they have a years long parasocial relationship with “signs off” on the product and the person says to themselves, “X person has integrity and they are very smart, they wouldn’t put their name on Y unless they did a lot of homework, so I don’t have to.”

And life is difficult, complicated and overwhelming, so you can’t really blame “normal” folks for putting the same faith they’d put into their tech saavy nephew into these personalities. The influencers should pause though and accept that if they can’t enthusiastically describe the reason a thing is actually legitimate, they should refrain from endorsing it or accept part of the blame for misleading people.

Fuck PayPal and its related entities and all executives past, present and future. And I guess fuck you too now, Will Ferrell - you cosigned Mel Gibson in whatever the fuck that daddy movie series was and now you’re the face of these people? The “PayPal mafia” (cringe) literally just bought the US election. I know you need to bankroll a lot of family trips to Sweden, but you h ave too much obviously dirty money now, Will. Hard to chuckle at your comedies now, and that’s a bummer.

We were going to implement one… but then we all got dementia.