Miles O'Brien

Hi, gender is a spectrum and while I fully identify as male and straight*, I had long hair as a child. If my school had tried to cut my hair by force, I would have absolutely thrown hands, and I was not a small child. Apparently I pushed a teacher into a wall as a first grader but I have no memory of doing so.

Hair is not “gender conforming” unless you’re the most vanilla, thinks-flour-is-spicy, “mayonnaise has too much flavor” basic bitch in the universe. If you really think hair has two genders “long and short” then you are just the saddest sack of shit.

Hair is whatever the fuck you want it to be. I decided I didn’t want long hair anymore, so I started getting it cut short. I even had it around 1/4in at one point just because of how easy it was to be done with. Now it’s long because before I got married, my now-wife said she liked when it was longer, so I’m growing it out again until we decide it’s long enough or I get tired of it again. If I wanted to shave most of it right now, I can do that. Nobody controls my hair but me, and nobody has any say in how I keep it, short of safety concerns. (protip: hair ties and a hair net when working with rotary tools, once you’ve seen a video you never want it to happen to you)

Get the fuck out of here with this weak ass bullshit policing children’s hair.

They won’t be happy until everyone is a straight white silent and obedient clone of each other.

*It’s a spectrum, sometimes I want to feel pretty so if you had to stick me in a hole I’d say I’m straight but I’m sure someone could make a convincing argument that I’m at least a little fluid.

You can check out any time you want.

But you can never leave.

Reality is hostile to conservative opinions.

I love when conservatives pull the “you’re not being very tolerant” to me. BITCH I NEVER SAID I TOLERATED STUPID also tolerance of nazis is how you get more nazis.

Or call robo-rooter. They can help!

I have a picture of my wife posing in the children’s cutout in the back, I jokingly asked if she wanted a picture with it and she got excited and ran over to pose.

I mean, we were dating at the time, but one of the first dates I took her on was the Wright pat airforce base museum.

This would absolutely have worked on me when I was younger. You know, if I had enough confidence to talk to women when I went to museums alone…

I do tend to wear blue jackets…

In no particular order, I have French, German, Dutch, Scottish, Irish, and a teensy tiny bit of “my great great great great grandmother was native American and we actually have the proof but nobody could ever tell without a DNA test so it only gets brought up when talking about obscure family genetic lineage”

Maybe it’s because my family is super midwest-usa-bible-belt, and I never even found out about most of it until a genetics test when I got married to my now wife (we wanted to know if kids would even be a medical possibility with our various issues), but I don’t identify with any of the places my ancestors lived in, so there isn’t a particular culture I’d like to be part of. And to be perfectly frank I’m not sure I want to be part of any culture, I just want to tend to my forest with fair Goldberry my wife.

You do make a good point though, if you’re looking to be part of something or feel particularly drawn to a culture after being immersed in what you think it’s really like, I could absolutely see this happening with 100% sincerity.

“or should I say us 🇮🇹”

“Sopranos was my favorite show”

Oof. Imagine saying “roots was my favorite show so it makes sense my great great great grandparent was black”

I love the repeated panels, almost like the path is checking to see if anyone looking before it shifts.

I will happily shake hands with a pineapple-on-pizza-er, if it means we can make sure this evil never hurts anyone ever again.

I’ll wash my hands afterward, but it’s the gesture that counts, right?

(pls wash your hands anyway, sanitation rulez)

Smort.

I would absolutely be consulting a lawyer before actually putting that out, just to, at the very least, have someone who’s a little familiar with the situation beforehand. That way if I DO get arrested, I already know a lawyer who’s looked into this and already had some things ready to go.

Oh man…

1: RIP to Trevor.

B, I remember every time this would make the rounds, so many people would get super pissed about it and go on huge multi-paragraph rants about how unfunny it was and that it should be deleted before the FBI arrests everyone who shares it.

The jokes write themselves.

Old people and overreacting to normal things because new ideas are scary and confusing

Name a more iconic duo

I used to hate when this happened to me. Someone reviving a post from ages ago to answer a question that I already found months/years ago.

But hey, it could help someone else in the future if I didn’t go back and post the answer to my own question (spoiler alert: I didn’t) so now I just do what OP does and thank them for their time, move on with my day. Chuckle at the stupidity of my youth.

Some people get angry about things like that. Just be chill, they probably didn’t notice how long ago it was posted.

I’ve seen escalator mechanisms fail before, I could believe that’s a dual purpose for it (as well as presumably carts or scooters)

Yeah, fuck me for using a cane, I’m such a big fat fatty and want to be fat.

I vaguely remember seeing this exact joke in my geometry book in gradeschool. Probably different illustrator, but still.

Damn, I feel old now.

TERRIFYING PRECISION and ARCHITECTURAL GENIUS of checks notes

…

double-checks notes

“Knowing how shadows and windows work”

Man, the bar is unrealistically high for some people…

In theory, I agree. Nuclear weaponry should never exist. The power to erase millions of people with a single push of a button is absolute insanity.

In practice, the world isn’t going to suddenly decide to de-arm itself and dismantle every nuke. So if they aren’t giving up theirs, refusing to make my own over that just leaves me another corpse on the moral high road.

Sometimes I wonder if the world would be a better place had the Manhattan project been sabotaged by the scientists and nuclear weapons were deemed unfeasible. I’d like to think so.

Assuming you spend $10 on avocado toast every day, as well as $75 on eating out for every meal, $20 for Starbucks, and ALSO assuming you have $150 worth of monthly subscriptions:

It will take you 25 years to save one million dollars. That’s assuming you never get sick, never lose a job, never need to buy a car or have major repairs, or basically any kind of surprise expense or setback that could wipe out savings.

To be the richest person on earth, you would need to save that money every year for over 6 MILLION YEARS