In terms of meeting people and stuff, this is one problem: I kinda had to ditch many old ‘friends’ because they weren’t really friends. I barely knew them and the one girl I did date did ask me why I was hanging out with those people when they clearly didn’t give a fuck about me. What happened at that time is that I did some drinking prior to going to that event with them, and while it was far from my first time drinking, the alcohol hit me really hard for some reason and I wasn’t looking and feeling good. Despite being visibly unwell, no one asked me if I was doing OK or even had any visible reaction to me. This did not sit well with her at all.
And yes, that ‘circle’ of mine was very offputting for her and she did mention to me that I didn’t seem to have any friends. The thing is… I wasn’t really aware of it at that time. Like I said, I had one HELL of an abusive upbringing that I wasn’t even aware of just how abusive it was until well after the time it was gone.
This isn’t to say I cannot build a social circle or a better life. I think I absolutely can. But here’s the thing: I have a lifetime of doing things solo and I am quite comfortable with that. Also I do have a lot of support at my job. I work at a place specifically made for people with disabilities to accommodate them. I had really hard times making friends in the past and I didn’t really know what being friends was with people. I got taken advantage of too much by some individuals and that really got me wary of a lot of shit.
I am trying to rebuild my life, and part of it has to involve (early on… as early as possible actually) to get a girlfriend. I always keep a small circle of friends when I do have them and I would rather keep it that way. I am picky about that for a reason. I want to convey that, no I will not be using her as an emotional dumping ground. That’s just not style. It never was.
Well I do have friends, and yes they are pretty solid. Not many, but I guess maybe I already have that handled? I guess I misworded my statement there.
However they aren’t the type of friends you meet girls through. Like I said, I am autistic and all my friends are neurodivergent in some way. One of them was married, had kids, divorced, got engaged, broke up, and is currently single, the other hasn’t had a girlfriend for a long time, but he does have his own fairly active social life and is very active in the autism community… and I am actually kinda surprised he doesn’t have a girlfriend since he does associate with a lot of people with cool artistic lifestyles (and he himself is fairly artistic). I know a few other people, even if I don’t see them regularly, I am in contact with them.
So finding a girl will have to be a solitary activity like everything else I do. Not that that is a bad thing, and I am sure there are plenty of introverted girls who would be fine with everything. I am not looking for some party gal, I am not compatible with them. Also I am not looking for one-night stands. As much as I said in the past that I wonder what it would be like to bone new girls regularly, I seriously doubt it would be satisfying in both the short-term and long-term.
I should mention that… yes, I did go to gang-bangs and orgies. Most of my sex partners were through there, and I did get compliments from the girls many times (legit ones). However that is when I realized that impersonal sex is not something I want to do. Not to say I wouldn’t go to one of those again, but the groups that organized them appear to be defunct now.
BTW, those groups are the way I learned I had a big dick. When I was with my first ‘girlfriend’ (and she is one reason why I still have many sexual hang ups. The story of my first sexual experience ever is… not pleasant. Like even many PUAs who had sex with a parade of partners said they would have given up women and sex if they had an experience like that) the condom seemed to break a lot. I didn’t ejaculate, not even precum, so no pregnancy risk… but I didn’t understand it.
Turns out? Well, I needed magnum condoms. Magnum XL condoms are more comfortable. I know this is a TMI situation, but I am not doing it as a brag or anything, but this was a practical concern. I would not have sex without a condom, and I have never wanted children, so the condoms stay on for obvious reasons…
But my experience with that girl will mean that going forward, even if I might be getting sexual with a girl, I need to make sure that we are compatible to be with one another for a while first, otherwise I am not proceeding.
Maybe I misworded that statement of mine, too. If you mean not opening up about stuff previously, then… well no, we all gotta know about one another’s pasts. My last girl frequently talked to me about her past (but me being 33 and her being 19 at the time kinda meant she was talking about her very recent childhood, which felt weird at first, but I realize that that is all she knew at that time), and I did mention my stuff. Her insight into it really did help me rethink a lot of stuff, which is why having a girlfriend is an important part of getting better, and not just ‘get better and get the girl’ it is ‘get better and gets girls while you are doing it, because they are part of the process’.