Why is your mom, at 80, driving around the part of town where there are nightclubs, alone, at night…?

Fuck. Sorry you lost your ignorance.

Never thought Donald Rumsfeld would be a step up from Whiskey Gate, but here we are.

Fucking

NO.

“If you can’t stand the heat, go put your tiny balls in the freezer.”

-Catalina, GTA San Andres

“Oh look. It’s raining again.”

Hello, fellow refugee from a better timeline.

All i said was “that meal was good enough for Jehovah…!”

Aka 6 “knobs,” according to Gordon Ramsey.

“You shouldn’t have said that. Now, everyone’s laughing at you behind your back. And there’s a spider in your hair.”

RIP St George

I’m so fucking tired of the word “cringe” lately.

Add Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn to that pile. Can’t stand any of 'em.

Are we talking about Jack Black, or The Rock…?

That’s one lazy loch ness monsta.

My dad, the tech genius that he is, has been against every minor step forward since the 90’s:

“Why do i need an answering machine, if they need me, they’ll call back.” He worked for himself as a handyman, so this is plain ridiculous. Finally, someone gives him an answering machine and suddenly it’s “This is awesome! I never miss a call! I’ve got so much work!” Later it was “Why do I need a debit card? I can just write a check!” which evolved to “It’s so convenient! I can get gas, even when they’re closed!” He repeated the answering machine argument when cell phones arrived, and repeated the results when he finally got one.

It’s a running theme in his life. The one that really gobsmacked me was when he proudly declared “the Internet can’t hurt me if i don’t get on it!”

“She sounds HIDEOUS!”

Ditto buses and subways

I just can’t see myself having any attachment before their personality develops. If this happened to me, I’d just chalk it up to a ~2 year time loss and go for another pregnancy. Thoughts?

Yeah, don’t have kids. Or babysit. Or own a houseplant. Holy hell.

never interacting with any under maybe 7-8 years

So, you were born at 18+, eh?

I just can’t see myself being at all sad in their passing if they’re younger than 5.

“You must circle the sun this many times before I give a shit about you.”