Wow, that kind of blows my mind to think about, cleaning is often the longest part of preparing and eating food for me. I hate doing it and I will choose what I’m cooking and how to cook it based on the dishes in prepared food to wash up.

My partner once asked why the carrots I cook are always chipped in a rustic style …because I’m not dirtying a chipping board for a carrot, I fruit ninja that shit.

But I’ve come to find the cleaning up therapeutic, it makes me feel like the process is over, it’s a sense of completion and a job well done.

That said, it’s only therapeutics when it’s my dishes, and I’ve got a clean kitchen. If I’m working around, or expected to deal with someone else’s dishes, I’m having a protein shake for dinner, because I will lose my temper at inanimate object trying to cook in someone else’s mess or having to do 2-3 loads of dishes so I can eat 1 meal.

Regional Australia. I know they’re common in new builds, but not the kind of landlord special flips I’ve lived in obviously 😂.

Well then it’s definitely a deal breaker 😂

(Are dishwashers that common in the states? I’ve lived in 16 houses and never had one, when friends get them installed it’s a celebration, they’re dishwasher owning kind of people now, fancy)

In Australia we call this “skimpflation” because they aren’t shrinking the final product, they’re skimping on ingredients to lower production costs.

It’s the bane of my existence because brands I know and love will change their ingredients without warning and without changing anything on the packaging (sometimes not even changing the ingredients list! If the ingredients list has always just said “starch” they don’t have to change anything going from arrowroot starch to cheaper potato starch)

I have allergies and I’ve bought two boxes of the same product at the same time, and had an allergic reaction to one, but not the other.

I used to always blame it on my housemates not washing the cooking utensils properly, but I now use separate cooking equipment and I clean down the kitchen before I start and cook at odd times so I’m the only one using the kitchen.

I’ve started emailing companies after my allergic reactions to determine if they have changed an ingredient, and 90% of the time they confirm they have changed the ingredients. Usually they put some PR spin on it about the new ingredient being more allergy friendly or sustainable (they don’t clarify “environmentally” so I assume they mean “financially sustainable for the profits of our company”)

On the point of driving whilst stoned. Confidence comes with experience

I can definitely understand what you mean by this, but I think a certain level of confidence also comes from tolerance.

I don’t drive at all, so can’t weigh in on that, but I cycle everywhere, and in my youth I would have never considered cycling while stoned, too risky, too dangerous, not fair or safe to others using the paths.

When I started smoking, I stuck by that statement, I’d give it a full 12+ hours between my last smoke and getting on the bike.

But just like your example, 12 hours became 8 hours, became 4 hours, and so on, where now I might have an smoke and 40 minutes later get on my bike to go somewhere.

But then I take a T break, and I pick up a new bag, and I have my first hit in a month or two, and I sit with that high for a while and think to myself “fuck no, I absolutely will not be getting on the bike any time soon, this tiny toke is too much to cycle on”

Then I’ll smoke heavily for the next month, and by the end of the month, my tolerance has increased, and I’m back to riding my bike while stoned (or rather, buzzed, because I’m just not capable of getting as high)

Do I feel guilty for these decisions because I know it’s a big risk? Yes. Do I keep doing it? Also yes.

But now that I’m in discussions with my doctor about medical dosing, it has raised a very important question - if I use medical marijuana to manage my chronic illness (the one that renders me medically unfit to drive) is the ethical and legal obligation of that treatment plan that I can never ride my bike again? I must always walk or take the bus? The same does not apply for people who use opiate based pain relief or therapeutic ketamine. They are warned not to drive if the meds make them impaired, but ultimately it’s their judgement to decide what is “impaired”. It will only be externally questioned if there is an accident or a near miss. If I am assessing my level of impairment before I ride stoned, how can I best ensure my capacity to ride in those moments?

Also answering OPs question, I think this applies to a lot of hobbies, but I notice it a lot as someone who likes to sew my own clothes - the pressure from others to constantly get better, try harder, and keep building those skills.

I do my hobby because it’s fun, sometimes it’s fun to learn new things about it, but sometimes I just want to stick with what I know and play in my comfort zone.

My dad will often look at things I’ve made this year and say “you made something almost identical 5 years ago, and your stitches are still skew wiff, haven’t you learned to blah blah yet?” because his expectation is that I will get better and better with every passing moment as I practice my hobby.

Similarly, people will tell me that I have “clearly got the skills to make xyz” and I should “challenge” myself. And sometimes I will, but most of the time I retreat to my hobbies because I don’t have to challenge myself if I don’t want to. I like my hobbies to be no pressure (I go to the gym to push myself, I go to my craft corner to relax)

You are allowed to dabble, fool around, play, and have fun with a hobby. You are allowed to decide that “getting better” isn’t the goal.

But it seems others will always question this, or suggest you somehow aren’t doing the hobby right, or enthusiastic enough about it if you’re only ever doing it on a surface level.

Just today, I managed to get hold of a second hand overlocker, I’m really excited to make things with it, and my co-worker who also sews said “oh that’s awesome, the quality of clothes you’re going to pull off now that you can surge! I can’t wait for the fashion show”. She meant that in the most positive way, and I know what she was trying to say so I thanked her and promised her to show her what I was making, but part of me definitely heard “if the quality of your final product doesn’t improve as a result of this, you’re bad at this hobby, now you have no excuse not to be better than you were before” even though she meant nothing of the sort, and a lot of that was internalised shame because of previous discussions with people who were genuinely questioning my lack of improvement.

I would already be living in a vehicle, but I can’t drive (low vision) so it’s never going to be an option for me.

About 10 years ago I was looking into bike towed campers as a security plan for an unstable housing situation, only to learn they are illegal to tow in my country. You can own one, sleep in one, and tow it on private property, but to move it from one property to another legally I’d need to pay someone with a car to put it in a car trailer, then unload my camper at the destination.

Again, it depends on the purpose of the group you’re creating, does this person in question face discrimination for their perceived race? Then a support group for people who have faced discrimination for their race may be the right place for them, assuming the intersection of having “chosen” to present as a race they’re not doesn’t create an unsafe space for the other group participants.

However if your group is for people who have grown up POC or been raised in a non-dominant cultural group to discuss shared experiences, then obviously someone who identifies as POC later in life would not be served by that group, so would not be eligibile to join that group.

There are circumstances when even if you fit the criteria of the group, you may still be excluded due to the way various identities and experiences intersect, or because your personal actions are not serving the group.

It’s not discrimination to be told you can’t use a private service because the service can’t serve your specific needs, and your personal circumstances reduce the groups ability to serve its other members.

I’m not trying to be rude, I’m trying to understand.

As far as the language is concerned, I’m just trying to understand how a trans woman could be a cis lesbian, when my understanding is that being cis and being trans are mutually exclusive.

Am I missing something?

If you’re a private entity and there is a specific reason that having non-black people in the group would be detrimental to the purpose of the group, yes, in Australia you can make a black only space.

For example, if you want to create a support group for POC to discuss trauma around being subjected to racism, to ensure you create a safe space, making the space POC only is not only legal, but often the more ethical choice for this group.

Want to create a social and dating app for queer women to meet other queer women? What purpose would it serve to let straight people into that group?

There is difference between public spaces, that must allow access and entry to all, and a private organisation that caters to specific demographics, and being freely open would completely defeat the purpose of the private organisations goals.

I’m not an alcoholic, I don’t personally know anyone who has struggled with alcoholism. Why can’t I go to an AA meeting to talk about my feelings on alcoholism? Obviously, Because that’s not helpful, it has the potential to be harmful to the people who attend because they have lived experiences with alcoholism. I could argue I’m being discriminated against because of my medical history, but I’m not being discriminated against, I’m just not being catered to, because I don’t have an unmet need in this specific situation.

How does that even work?

I mean, to be a cis lesbian also implies being a cis woman…

I mean, given what’s happening with the women’s only art exhibit at the MONA right now, this woman definitely has a legal leg to stand on even with this being a private company.

Even if it’s just a matter of false advertising (if the app means cis women they should say cis women, not say “women” and then go out of their to exclude an entire group of women) or compensation for being given access then having access removed.

Unless they help you

She’s just pointing out that because of his race, the man she was taking to was in a place of social privilege and he should be more mindful of this when talking to under-represented groups in his field, such as women and POC.

Reminding him that his race grants him a level of authority, encourages him not to approach every conversation with the assumption that he is the smartest in the room.

I’m not exactly super rich from med bills right now, but being physically well enough to do normal stuff would be a pretty bittersweet miracle.

Oh to just be told “it’s terminal, you’ve got 6 months, good news, you’ll have a surge of health before the end”

It’s not what I would hope for from my life, but it sounds nice to finally be able to just, stop.

No more chasing down GPs for refferals, no more calling specialists asking if they’ve sent over results and reports. No more weekly appointments trying to find the right medication. Most more confusion over “is this symptom something new that’s unrelated? Or Is it related? Will it be temporary? Is this symptom my new normal? Wait, is this a drug side effect?”

No more fighting with council to get ramp access to my house, no more stressing over how I will ever be able to afford the home care I’ll need for the extended duration I’ll need it on the income my disability limits me to.

No more looking at my mother and my auntie’s as they slowly crumble, while still being expected to suck it up and bear the responsibilities they always have. No more seeing the long, deteriorating future ahead of me reflected by my loved ones.

No more “oh, you’re chronically ill? have you tried drinking water and doing yoga?”

No more “you don’t look sick”

I’ve only got 6 months to have to put up with any of this, and then I’m gone.

I’d prefer to be alive, but I wouldn’t be upset at the universe if that’s the hand I was dealt.

6 months is a good time frame. Certainly beats getting hit by a bus tomorrow - who would look after me cat?

It was 1am and I couldn’t sleep so I was sneaking out trying to make it excuses to my parents about needing a glass of water or something.

My mum was trying to push me out of the kitchen because she was wrapping a present and icing a cake for my birthday as a suprise.

She ushered me into the living room, but instead of going back to the kitchen she got distracted by the telly and sat down.

I thought my dad was watching some weird straight to VHS movie on the community channel. I didn’t initially think it was the international news. I sat down and watched for a good 20 minutes, wondering why my parents were so hooked. I was thinking it was like a modern retelling of war of the worlds or something because the whole “movie” so far was just a news broadcast about planes crashing into buildings… Then I realised this was live news.

I should have caught on sooner, when my dad didn’t immediately send me back to bed, he let me stay and watch which he would never do for a movie. I was just old enough to comprehend what was happening, that lives were being lost and thousands of people in America were left hopeless and in crises. But not old enough to imagine what this could mean for the world going forward, and not really old enough to understand that it was a planned terror attack. I remember asking mum if I should cancel my birthday party, and my dad asked why, then my mum and dad argued over it because mum agreed it wasn’t a day for celebrating, but dad argued that it shouldn’t matter, America was on the other side of the planet and we didn’t personally know anyone. I went to bed while they were yelling and I guess mum won because we rescheduled the party for a week later.

Heck, I had to fight to get the vaccine in my country.

I was working at a food bank during covid. I was coming face to face with 200 different people every day. Many of whom were covid positive but because they were homeless they had no where else to go.

I have a genetic condition that effects my sympathetic nervous system. I have sinus bradycardia, and chronic pulmonary congestion due to having over 10 bouts of aspiration pneumonia. On top of this I have an autoimmune condition. I was taking immunosuppression therapy in March 2020, I stopped taking because I couldn’t risk my immune system being suppressed in my line of work. I was so sick because of my untreated autoimmune condition, but I just had to deal with it.

In October we started rolling out the vaccine to our most vulnerable populous. I was eligible because of my autoimmune condition and I was first in line at my local vaccination centre.

But my genetic condition was on the list of contraindications. They were just going to send me away until I broke down crying explaining my job and my risk and my fear of catching covid. So I had to get two doctors to sign off on me getting the vaccine, and I had to make a special vaccine booking because they needed an NP to do a pre-screening and then I had to wait around for 3 hours afterwards and then get a post-vaccination check up and the NP had to sign off.

My booster shots were easier, because I just took my proof of vaccination certificate to the pharmacy and I didn’t even mention my underlying conditions. (I didn’t have that luxury the first time. I had to hand over my medical records to prove I was eligible for the first round of vaccinations. But after my first jab, the fact I had gotten my first dose was proof enough that I was previously approved to be part of the first round, so I didn’t need to present my records to get my boosters)

Trying to get an appointment with two separate doctors during a global pandemic for some red tape paperwork was like pulling teeth.

It should not have been that hard for someone to get a vaccine when they want one. I understood the risks. I’d rather die of a vaccine interaction that helps provide information that makea the vaccine safer for others, than just be another statistic of covid 19.

That feels like a large payout for that type of injury, but that’s not my business.

Everytime I hear news like this, or stories of people who “receive support for xyz injury, but can still do abc activity so must be cheating the system” I can’t help but think how brightly it highlights that the author has never had to experience chronic pain and dynamic disability.

Anyone who has ever injured anything knows, some days it just randomly hurts more than others, and you have very little control over predicting or changing that randomness other than through avoiding certain activities when you can to preserve your health and energy for days and times when you don’t have a choice and have to perform that action.

It’s also about balance.

Because of my wrists I can’t do the dishes and do latch hooking on the same day. I have to do the dishes, I can’t just live in squalor. But some days I also “need” to take some time for latch hooking because it’s a mindful hobby I find enjoyable and it’s so good for my mental health.

Now is it wrong of me to tell my OT that my wrists mean I struggle to do the dishes and latch key, so I’d like support with the dishes - maybe I get a dishwasher, or a helper twice a week to come in and do the heavy dishes for me.

If I’m sat on the couch doing my latch hooking putting pressure on my wrists “just for a hobby” while the dishwasher runs in the background - was I lying about my injury? Was I being a cheat? Do I no longer deserve the dishwasher because I’m “abusing it just so I can run off and have fun latch hooking”

She tossed one Christmas tree at a one off event.

How does that change the pain it is causes to play with her kids or carry groceries every single day that she wants and needs to do those tasks?

TL:DR - Ride my bike along a precarious but not terrible inner city suburb of Melbourne Australia. It takes about 10-15 minutes to go 4km. I have the option of a 25 minute riverside bike ride if I’m willing to give up my sleep in.

I live in an “inner suburb” of Melbourne Australia, and I work at a community centre just a few tiny city suburbs away, 4km.

I have an e-bike that I use as my primary vehicle, because of the way my migraine disorder manifests and overlaps with another condition, I can’t drive a car. So I’ve learned how to get by completely carless - living in the inner city suburbs helps so I’m privileged in that regard. But the ebike has been a game changer.

Before covid I had a job about 6km away and I was wasting so much money on buses and uber, it was two buses and an awkward connecting power-walk that meant frequent missed connections and also pushed me just over onto the more expensive ticket because of how our public transport fee system works. So I would lazily uber to work several times a week. And since I was working part time, it wasn’t even worth it some days when I had a 2 hour shift. ~40% of my pay cheque would go to ubering to work.

Then covid hit and our state went into lock down. The community centre ran a food bank so my 2 or 3 hour part time shifts became 12 hour days as demand increased but staffing couldn’t. I’d always miss the last bus, and uber drivers were few and far between. I tried riding my bike but the 12km return trip was just a bit too far on top of the 12 hour day, so I bought an ebike.

I got a new job, closer, and a very nice ride. I have multiple route options, one of which is a gorgeous separated shared pedestrian-cycle path that follows the local river which I often ride home - I finish at the optimum dog walking time so I get to meet so many puppies on my leisurely ride home. But it’s very slow (because of all the dogs which aren’t supposed to be off leash, but are) so, my preferred route to work is the fast way. It cuts right through the the town centre, it’s an old industrial dock town so it’s pretty highly developed but never highly invested in, meaning the roads are horrible and full of trucks. But the council are working on it, and in the last few years they’ve installed some halfway decent bike infrastructure. The danger is worth the 15 minutes it saves me in the morning.

I’m using sync at the moment, I don’t dislike it but there is room for improvement. I have very low accessibility needs. I have palsies in my hands so for me it’s about having nice big icons to tap, because I don’t have the dexterity to push tiny text links or really cramped hit boxes.

My phone GUI is enlarged and sync is just the first third party app I found that scaled well with my phone, most third party apps work for me, it’s just the reddit official app that really, really doesn’t. It’s unreadable with my GUI settings.

Exactly, I didn’t have a tantrum. I used a third party app because of the accessibility features it offered that the official app doesn’t. I can’t use reddit now, so I don’t use reddit.