Not totally relevant, but: that little tub of Philadelphia cream cheese is like $8 nowadays. What in the ever-loving fuck? And yet you can still buy a brick of that shit for $1.60. Trying to get cream cheese out of that folded-over piece of foil is certainly annoying, but it’s worth paying 5X as much to get it out of a convenient tub instead? Make it make sense.

In my programming career (which started in the '90s) I went from private offices with doors to high-walled cubicles to low-walled cubicles to desks in an open office, and finally to an open office plan where you didn’t even have your own assigned desk. The last two steps were working from home (yay) and getting laid off (not as yay).

the little guys

I don’t think landscapers like being called this.

But please don’t eat it!

In my defense, in addition to finding out after the fact that armadillos carry leprosy, I found out that the one I ate was roadkill.

Cheesesteak sandwiches (Philadelphia area). It’s just blocks of low-quality frozen meat fried up on a grill with some onions and cheeze-whiz (or provolone if you’re not insane). The bread is good but god damn. I used to live across the street from one of the more famous steak places in center city and the line outside was almost always more than an hour long, even in rain and snow. It just made no sense. WE HAVE FUCKING MUSEUMS AND SHIT!!!

I wonder if the people in that line would have been so keen to get their horsemeat sandwich if they’d walked through the neighborhood at 6 am and seen the clear plastic bags filled with sandwich rolls just dumped on the sidewalk in front of each restaurant (yes, that is how Amoroso’s delivers them). I went for a run early one morning and when I came back somebody had ripped open one of the bags and placed a roll under the windshield wipers of every car on South Street.

I grew up in Ohio and we had shitloads of opossums. Also deer.

I’ve eaten armadillo (yes, it tastes like chicken). This was before I found out they can apparently spread leprosy to humans.

Maybe. I think Putin’s main concern with Ukraine was preventing them from selling natural gas from the Donbas region to Western Europe and undercutting his main source of revenue, and he’s achieved that even if he didn’t successfully overrun the whole country.

Police jobs are basically welfare for the mediocre low iq dipshits from high school.

Soon to be replaced with lower-paying ICE jobs for the schmos who don’t even qualify to be cops. I personally wouldn’t even be surprised if it turns out ICE is hiring undocumented immigrants, for the same reason everybody else does.

You only need one color of paint (yellow, in case anyone wonders).

I’ve just been to eat Germany

I recommend chewable Tums for that.

Russia has a capable (if thoroughly evil) leader?

It was called that back when we were kicking the shit out of fascists, just like tod … oh.

Target fucking depresses the living shit out of me. The only reason I ever go is that I’m a school bus driver and for some reason half of the tips I get at Christmas and the end of the school year (why the fuck do people tip school bus drivers? I have no idea) are Target gift cards. It always has Kmart-at-the-end vibes with half-empty shelves and employees that look like they want to kill you. And I don’t understand how they can maintain a grocery section at all - the selection is poor and everything costs twice as much as it does at normal grocery stores.

For some unknown reason, the stores all seem to have been inadequately constructed. The floor shakes at every multi-story Target I’ve ever been in.

My bus dreams are usually about getting into some tight spot where I have to back up and then smashing shit up when I do. We’re told quite emphatically to never back up and our enormous repair bills justify that. I’ve taken out a few fences myself in the real world.

That’s absolutely it. I was a chronic waker-and-baker for almost thirty years and never had dreams. I quit four years ago and now I have multiple intense dreams every night. I genuinely don’t like it at this point - I spend too much of my first few minutes awake each morning worrying about shit that never actually happened.

I want to know why I continually dream about taking a piss but never actually wet the bed. I mean, thank you bladder but jeez.

Actually, I’m a school bus driver and most of my dreams involve me fucking up badly somehow in my bus and waking up bummed that I’m going to have to find another job. I wonder if other drivers have this going on.

Concurrently with the release of the unredacted Epstein files.

I like saying “CHRIST-ee-en”. It really pisses them off although it obviously shouldn’t.

Every time someone tells me about the ten commandments, I ask them to name all ten. They can never name all ten. On the flip side, if somebody starts talking about UBI they can usually say what all three letters stand for.