“Yes comrade, that’s right. He’s telling us that the country is ovverrun with woke transexual alien criminals that are eating all of the household pets. Yes…yes I tried asking for the nuclear codes, but he just started rampbling about a radical lesbian liberal agenda and now he’s talking about China and hamberders. Comrade, he won’t stop talking about Nancy Pelosi and Obama and now I think he’s trying to sell me his ugly golden sneakers…”

English may not be their first language. It’s okay to cut people some slack sometimes.

I keep my fireworks in the warming drawer.

That’s cool. More boob for me then.

“Like it is now…only shorter.”

“Listen, dentist. You asked me what I wanted my teeth to look like and I told you. Several rows of razor sharp shark teeth, pronto.”

Sometimes, when I think about it, I just start blubbering.

I hit a minke whale in my pickup while driving home one night, just north of Belle Fourche, South Dakota. Son of a bitch breached over a guardrail and flopped down right in front of me before I’d even had a chance to hit the brakes. Hit him square in the blow hole and mangled the whole front end of the truck. The fishy bastard just dusted himself off and fucked off into the night, making them wierd ass whale noises at me the whole time. Ever since that night, I take the long way home.

People who think that are creepy and weird.

Firearms dealer

214 years ago, since I’m an insufferable pedant.

You should, it’s pretty nice.

Dammit, I trumped my pants

Did you call 911 or something?

Good luck!

Go eat a bushel of dicks, Russia.

They take the bottom half.

I haven’t seen the movie. How does it depict make sexuality as inherently dangerous?

Mostly just walks around clucking and eating corn off the ground.

Good, resign. Both are huge pieces of shit.