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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: December 14th, 2023

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  • Here’s my advice as someone who basically could have written this post when I was your age (I’m now 30)

    You can absolutely find a partner who wants to be free from gender expectations and find a relationship like you describe (I did!), but it will be extremely hard to find if you don’t put yourself out there and get used to sorting through the majority who are satisfied with gender roles.

    The most important things imo are to 1. Keep putting yourself out there when you have the energy. 2. Take breaks if you have to, don’t let the experience make you jaded or let that frustration affect how you treat others because that’s an easy way to repel someone who would otherwise be a great match. 3. Keep being yourself, don’t be afraid to showcase the ways in which you are not traditionally masculine. I literally put a picture of myself in a maid outfit on tinder and I get quite a few compliments. You’ll only repel the people you don’t want and it’ll be like a beacon to attract those who view gender roles in the same way that you do.

    To your last point, I would guess a lot of guys probably live quietly unhappy. But plenty have found accepting partners and social circles who are open minded about identity and gender expression.




  • My homelab has been mostly on autopilot for a while. Synology 6 bay running most lighter weight docker stuff (arrstack, immich, etc) and an Intel nuc running heavy stuff (quicksync transcodes for Plex+jf, ollama). Both connected to digitalocean via WG for reverse proxy due to CGNAT.

    I had my router SSD either die or get corrupted this past week, haven’t looked much at the old SSD besides trying to extract the config off of it. I ended up just fresh installing opnsense because I didnt have any recent backups (my Synology and nuc back up to rsync.net, but I haven’t gotten around to automated backups for my router since it’s basically a plain config, and my cloud reverse proxy which is just a basic docker compose + small haproxy config). Luckily my homelab reaching out to the cloud reverse proxy means there’s basically no important config on my router anymore, they just need DHCP and a connection.

    Besides that the arrstack just chugs along on its own.

    I recently figured out I can load jellyfin playback URLs into vrchat video players, either direct stream or through the transcoding pipeline as an m3u8 that live transcodes based on the url parameters you set. This is great because the way watch parties in VRChat works is that everyone in an instance loads the same URL pasted into media players and syncs the playback. That means you need to have a publicly accessible url (preferably with a token of some sort) that can be loaded by an arbitrary number of unique IP addresses simultaneously, which I don’t think is doable with Plex.

    I’m now working on a little web app to let me log into Jellyfin, search/browse media, and generate the links with arbitrary or pre-set transcode settings for easy copy/pasting into VRChat. The reason it’s needed is that Jellyfin only provides the original file without transcoding when you use the “copy stream” option, so I believe the only way to get a transcoded stream url currently is to set the web interface to specific settings and grab the URL from the network. But that doesn’t let you set arbitrary stuff like codecs and subtitle burn in and overriding what it thinks you support. So a simple app to construct the URL will make VRChat watch parties a lot easier.







  • Is there any way to connect the bsky android app to the atproto.africa relay or a third party appview that uses the atproto.africa relay? I wouldn’t mind using bsky more if there was a clone of the android app that doesn’t use the bsky relay/appview. Looking at whtwnd it appears to be just web and not native apps?

    I would like to host my own PDS and access bsky through a native app using third party relay+appview, but I haven’t seen a way to do this yet.